Gratitude & Grief?

First, thank you for clicking the link to read this blog. I am not a professional writer, so I am sorry if I don't have correct grammar or if it seems my story is difficult to read. I just thought this would be a fun outlet for me.

Second, today marks one year since Justin's (my husband's) accident. Many of you who know us know that on April 7th, 2024, Justin was involved in a head-on collision while at work. A bad decision was made at 1:30AM that ended a life and completely changed the course of ours. Justin spent 8 days in a coma and a total of 3 months in a hospital.

So today, I am grateful, but I also grieve the life we once had. Today, a year ago, began the hardest journey we would have to endure. A journey we are still on. I didn't know then, that the doctor who said, "this is going to be a long road," meant probably the rest of our lives type of road. Here we are a year later, and the normal is still out of reach, it seems. The unknown for the future is still there. For a few weeks now, my mind has replayed this day and some of the days following over and over. The image of my husband hooked up to tubes and monitors, still imprinted in my brain. Watching Justin's chest move up and down as the machine did the breathing for him, seemed so abnormal. The pain I could see him in when they tried to wake him up multiple times. Watching a new family across the hall have to say goodbye to a new father, worried I would have to do the same. It all, so hard to get out of my head. The ache is heavy and sometimes feels overwhelming.

BUT today, a year ago, Justin began the fight for his life, and he survived. GOD worked miracles. God showed up in ways I could never understand if this wasn't our journey. God knows the end of this story, and it is perfect in his eyes. So, today I am so grateful that God didn't make me say goodbye to my soulmate. When, months later, I would have to say goodbye to other loved ones. I am so grateful God healed Justin, even though there are still struggles. I am so grateful our babies will grow up with their Daddy by their side. I am grateful we are still able to dream about our future. I am GRATEFUL that God HAS provided and always will. Today, I am tired, and my heart still aches, but God continues to bless us. As Brandon Lake sings in his song Hard Fought Hallelujah, I'll bring my hard-fought, heartfelt, been-through-hell hallelujah. I will lift my hands in worship, even when they are heavy.

If I took anything away from last year, it is that we are not promised tomorrow. I came to understand that on a very personal level. Don't take life for granted. Even though we are not promised tomorrow, we are promised an eternity in heaven if we choose his will in our lives. So, I will continue to glorify him in my hurt, through the tears, through my work, when I'm tired, in my happiness, and everything in between. Yes, today is a hard but I thank him for the life he has provided.

If you are on a journey and need rest, know that you are not alone. God is reaching his hands out, waiting for you to grab them.